The Desk of Pixie

Welcome Home
“If by growing up you mean allowing the adult within me to abandon the
child within me, I have no interest in such a horrid proposition. If
instead you mean to let each enhance the other at the exclusion of
neither, I have every interest.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

“Is this real life? Are we really doing this? Are we really going to
throw caution to the wind and not bother with a safety net? Are we
really taking everything we have, and everything we are, and take the
chance of risking it all to make our dreams come true?”

You're damn right we are!!

Hi there, and welcome to my brand new blog!! My name is Pixie, and if
you are here reading this, well then you've just made yourself a new
little friend!

I'd like to take a moment to tell you a bit about myself, and this
crazy roller coaster ride I've been on that has brought you here
reading my late night induced rambling.

About two years ago, I was having a lot of emotional issues that were
really dragging me down. I was happy, healthy and secure in my life. I
have an incredibly supportive, ever understanding husband, who loves
me with an unconditional passion. We have great kids, a nice home, and
I lived a life that was a far cry from the abuse I experienced in my
first marriage. Still, I found myself falling deeper and deeper inside
myself; slowly shutting down for no apparent reason. On the surface I
smiled and genuinely enjoyed my life, but just below the skin there
was an ache I couldn't shake.

My husband stood by watching my slow decline, and couldn't bear seeing
me drag myself through my days. So he went online, and started doing
some research to try to figure out something that he could do to help
me. After some digging, he found information about DDlg, and the more
he read, the more he knew he had found what he was looking for.
We have always had our own unique brand of a D/s dynamic in our
relationship, and even though I am a capable, responsible adult, I've
always had a very idyllic, childlike innocence to my personality.

So as he read more on the DDlg dynamic and lifestyle, he realized that
this was a perfect fit for us.
He sat me down one fateful evening, and spent a few hours going
over what he had discovered. I was a little wary at first, as I am
with all things new and unknown, but he loved me through the whole
experience. It wasn't just a conversation; it was an intimate evening
between a loving adult couple; searching for something to bring us
closer and grow our relationship in a new, beautiful way.

We talked about societal stigmas, and the negative affect that it has
on this particular lifestyle. How people who don't understand are so
quick to throw their misguided two cents into a situation that has
nothing to do with them. How they take their close minded,
preconceived notions, and attack consenting adults for the way they
choose to dictate the dynamic of their relationships. How it is up to
us to decide how we want our marriage to be, and it is up to us to
decide in which direction we will take to get there.
So we decided to give it a chance, and see where it takes us. I mean,
what did we have to lose? I thought it would be weird and awkward at
first, and in some ways it was, but we fell so naturally into it, that
now I can't imagine how the last year and a half of our life together
would have been without this connection to littlespace; all we have
learned and how much we have both grown.
For all the years that we've been together, my husband has always been
my caregiver; loving me through the healing process of recovery from
the abuse I went through for five years of my life. So a jump into a
lifestyle in which he is responsible for caring for me and all my
special little needs, really wasn't that much of a jump for our

I have healed so much inside myself since then. The issues I have with
PTSD and the relating anxiety, will always be prevalent in my life. I
will forever find myself on any given day, having similar struggles
getting through the moment at hand. However now, I have a place where
I can go and escape from the panic attack storms brewing in my mind;
that place is my particular version of littlespace. Everybody's is
different, are equally special and deserving to be validated. That's
not all that littlespace means to me, and I know that's not at all
what it means to the next girl or boy like me; and that's okay.

It's okay to be true to who you are; society be damned!

Through this journey together, I have found again the girl I used to
be, before I went through the years of abuse, before I became a shell
of my former self. Some parts of me were could be mended, and some
were beyond repair. In this throwaway society that we find ourselves
living in, most people would toss aside something broken and replace
it, instead of taking the time to fix it.

I am very precious to my husband; there is only one me and I am worth
so much more than to be discarded because I don't work quite as right
as I did years ago. So like the master craftsman that he is, he was
patient with his time, steady with his hands, and limitless with the
love and support he showed me on both my worst and best days. The
pieces of me he could fix, he put back together. The pieces that were
too far gone to be recovered, he created new pieces to replace them.
He could see the beauty and potential in that what was shattered to
the point of being unrecognizable.

It hasn't been easy; in fact some days it's been just plain hard.
Bullshit in fact; so much of it that we found ourselves wondering if
it will ever quit piling up or if we are going to get crushed by the
weight of it. Just this year alone, our four year old almost died; was
hospitalized in January for the three worst days of both of our lives.
Then two months later, it was my husband finding himself to be
admitted to hospital for five days; day three of those five was my
With that as well as other “fun” surprises that life
happened to throw our way, we both started wondering where the hell
the light is that is supposed to be at the end of this tunnel. Where
the hell is the exit to the tunnel anyway? Why does it feel like we've
been underground so damn long, that even if we feel a bit of hopeful
breeze kiss our cheeks, we hit dead end after dead end.

After months and months of searching for the exit, we had a situation
arise in our life that was the breaking point for us. We're both sick
and damn tired of wondering aimlessly through these proverbial
tunnels. We wanted to breathe fresh air and feel sunshine on our skin
again, and break free of this tunnel of infinite misery we had trapped
ourselves inside of. We were sick of living in black and white, and
wanted to experience colours again.

So we combined forces, and decided to stop wondering in circles, and
just dig straight up and see where we ended up. I climbed up on his
shoulders, and started clawing through the rocks and the dirt with
only my brittle fingernails to get me started.
Baby steps take you to the same place big steps take you, only it
takes a little longer to get there. We had this new fire we found
inside of ourselves, and used it to keep the other warm. We built a
foundation with the rocks and the rubble we dug out together, and we
are happy to say that we finally surfaced to the top.

What a rush it was to hear the birds sing again. To look around and
see the horizon clearly, not clouded by the fog that has damn near
consumed us. We looked at each other, smiled and kissed, then took
hold of the others hand and started running towards that horizon line
with reckless abandon.

What we found when we got there, was an opportunity to really make
some changes; not just within ourselves, but with like minded
individuals within the realm of our littlespace community. An
opportunity to meet all kinds of new people; people to both learn from
and to teach with the benefit of our combined life experiences. A
chance to really do some good for some really deserving people.
This is our chance to throw caution to the wind and not bother with a
safety net. This is where we really are going to take everything we
have, and everything we are, and take the chance of risking it all to
make our dreams come true.

We have found that there is a serious lack of high quality, reasonably
priced DDlg/MDlb related products to purchase here in Canada. Of those
products, the availability is far and few between, and even then we
found that the majority of what is out there is pretty standard and
So we sat down and thought of a bunch of things that we would like to
see on a shopping site created for responsible, consenting adults, who
have some kind of DDlg/MDlb dynamic to their lives. For those who have
a healthy sexual appetite and urges to further explore those kinky
curiosities. For those that prefer their lifestyles to not include any
kind of sexual intimacy. For those that are somewhere between those
two places. For all of us in this community, all different in their
own personal approaches, but connected by this common ground we have

We have built a site that we are super excited and proud of, because
it's not just for us. It's for every little out there and their
caregivers, to have a fun, safe and discreet online shopping
experience, with lots of giggles along the way. It's a place to go
shopping in Littlespace, and to not have the brakes put on all the
fun, because shipping is ridiculously overpriced, or because the
product doesn't ship to Canada. Especially those DDlg/MDlb
subscription boxes. I'm not paying a bunch of money to get a box full
of useless crap. So we very carefully made several different
subscription box options, and we refuse to put anything in our boxes
that we wouldn't want to get ourselves.

Well, I think that about covers it for now. Thank you new friend, for
taking the time to read all of this, and for checking out our site. We
made it for you, and everyone in our little community. We are so
excited about what the future is going to bring for us; we don't know
where we'll end up, but we know that no matter the weather, we'll do
it together.

-Love, Pixie.
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Little sunshine - 10/13/2018

Great job , such a wonderful first blog !! I was crying happy tears at the End

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